Before I go on with this true story, I would like to explain something in detail first. I'm sure most of us knows the meaning of the word "stud". Basically the cool guy every male wants to be and every female wants to be with. But with a dud, it's the actual opposite of "stud". Essentially, a "dud" is every male hopes he won't be and every female hopes not to be with. Anyway, back to this true story now..

During my Secondary School days, I was working part-time at a fastfood restaurant along Orchard Road and this particular Saturday night wasn't any different. But because it was a Saturday night and I always volunteered for the "afternoon to closing" shift, I was literally stuck at Orchard Road. Standing at the bus stop, trying to flag down buses that are full. And it can get frustrating, hoping a somewhat less crowded bus would show up. But let's face it, in Singapore, shoppers are only willing to haul their ass home After the shopping malls are closed. They do not contemplate leaving at least 30 minutes to an hour before the mall closed.

And since I was already frustrated at standing at my usual bus stop for a good 1 hour with nary standing space available on all incoming crowded buses, I did the next best thing. I took the same bus right from the bus stop I alighted to get to work, travelling in the opposite direction, which happens to be at Chinatown. And from Chinatown, retake the same bus back home. Sure, it sounds long-winded and extra time is wasted in doing that. But at least I don't take a big U-turn if I take the train or waste more money by taking a cab.

But then, I figured I was congratulating myself a tad too early. As my bus passed by my work place, this guy who was sitting all the way in front (My seat wasn't that far from him anyway) was bragging so loudly on his "latest" conquest on swindling money from rich american girls. And god, that guy is the "dud". In fact, calling him a "dud" would probably insult regular duds out there. He wasn't even mildly attractive at all, in fact, he looks totally hilarious in his too thick glasses, nerdy fashion sense and horrendously too big front tooth that reminds me of Bugs Bunny.

Initially, I was listening to my portable Discman (Ah yes, we listen to those antiquities before portable MP3 and iPod were invented) and he was bragging so loudly I cannot listen to what my CD was singing, despite trying to turn up the volume until my ears were ringing in protest. And since Mr Dud and Brag-a-lot wasn't intent on stopping, I just stashed my Discman away, along with the rest of the passengers unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same seating area as him and had to stop chatting with their companions. All because of his very loud brags that were probably lies anyway. And his brags actually made me attempt to throw up a little in my mouth until I reached home.

And he sure holds himself really highly as he was continually bragging to his companion about how a girl in a International School in Singapore always like to spend money on him. I mean, he's not even THAT good looking at all and I really wonder what type of silly or crazy girl would be blind and dumb enough to even remotely splurge any money on him in the first place. And all the while, he was bragging on and on about how this girl gave him S$20 to spend, which actually elicited a few random giggles that were aimed not at his direction discreetly.

Finally, when I reached home, the first thing I did was to "report" to my mother what I heard on the bus. Guess my mother's reaction? She said he must have been so butt ugly that the clever girl gave him ONLY S$20 to spend. If he had looked like half a David Beckham or Johnny Depp, he would probably get a few thousand to spend instead. Which I duly laughed like a hyena every time I think about it. Seems like beggars can't be choosers then, if people willingly gave him S$20 to spend, it's probably because they found him too ridiculous to get rid of.

And the only way to do so, would be to randomly give him really small amounts of money to shoo him away. Not because he is cute, or hot or even anything. In fact, he isn't even anything and his ego must have been so sky-high that he thought getting S$20 with no strings attached must have sound like a dream. He should probably take a leave out of those performing Chippendale guys from Las Vegas instead. I'm sure those guys gets more than $20 tip from over-horny women who watched their shows. Hell, even if I get to watch a Chippendale performance, I'd gladly stick S$100 down their thong too xD